Bringing My Family Down

There is no question that I have already experienced innumerable benefits of my half retirement. I am living a more healthy life that is better aligned with my sense of purpose and identity. This is, in fact, the exact reason why financial independence is a superpower. It is the freedom to remove the shackles that bind. While this improvement was fully expected, there was an angle that hadn’t even crossed my mind. It appears that my job was not only causing me consternation but also bringing my family down.

I am both pleased and a touch ashamed of this fact. It was only after my schedule changed that I realized the constant stress of being a doctor was not only affecting me. It was also affecting my wife and kids.

Here’s how things have changed.

Life Stress

My wife has always been very supportive of my career. We have been together since medical school, and she has been an active participant in the voyage. So it is unsurprising that the toll my job was taking on our lives was not fully appreciated. It simply snuck up on us.

I have oft complained about how sleep deprivation is a necessary sacrifice of the medical profession. But it wasn’t only my cross to bear, my wife was suffering right along with me. She was being woken up in the middle of the night each time my phone went off. She was being disturbed early every morning as I got up to go to work.

It has been weeks now and neither of us have had a single mishap call after hours. We are both sleeping much better.

And it’s not only sleep. She had to deal with my unpredictable schedule, panicky moods, and the stress of the continuous barrage of daytime phone calls. Every time we went for a walk, I was ducking into a corner to return a text. Or slipping out of a party to direct patient care.

The stress has only became apparent now that it is gone. I was bringing my family down.

Impending Catastrophe

It was not just my wife but also the kids. Everyday was filled with phone calls concerning impending catastrophe. How many times did my children hear me tell a family member that their loved ones were going to die? How many conversations did they stumble upon their father talking about bleeding out, or respiratory failure, or an infected wound?

My words impacted them. They heard the tenor of my voice, witnessed the anxiety in my gait, breathed the foul stink of fear. I brought all this to them. Not infrequently. Day after day, and week after week.

I was bringing my family down. Causing more stress than necessary. Imposing my fight or flight lifestyle on the leisurely life of children.

A few weeks out, I can already see the difference. They no longer have to ask uncomfortable questions about whether m patient is dying. I no longer see them wince when I answer the phone.

Getting Together?

I have several family members that live close to us. We make a point of sitting down for meals or leisurely Sunday gatherings. It is the time to be with our extended family, and allow the kids to play with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

We dutifully attended these events as often as we could. But I wasn’t always there. Sure I was physically. Mentally, however, I was managing that patient in the ICU or fielding questions from the nursing facilities.

Rushing out of the room to answer a page or repeatedly staring down at texts is no way to cement familial bonds. I was bringing my family down. Even distant relations.

Final Thoughts

It is only since half retirement that I have realized how much stress my job was causing my loved ones. I was bringing my family down. Every pain I suffered impacted them also.

I am not proud of this fact, but am happy that we have all benefited from my plan B. I realize that I cannot change the past.

This job was difficult and time consuming.

How could I have thought that it wouldn’t have an impact on those who love me?