Why Money Isn’t Enough

While not having funds will certainly cause innumerable problems, money isn’t enough. If I wasn’t sure of this before, I definitely am after all the things that have changed in my life over the last few weeks. None of them earth shattering, but all have made me deeply question my future plans. To put it metaphorically, someone has moved my cheese.

I pretty much had it all mapped out. My life. Post financial independence. I would continue doing hospice work because it gave me meaning and insured the ability to live a fatFIRE lifestyle.

I would continue writing a blog, podcasting, and public speaking because these are my meaning and purpose above and beyond family and community.

Simple, right? Well maybe not so much. Suddenly, everything has changed.

Trouble in Paradise

My hospice job was paradise. It allowed me to spend just the right amount of time doing something purposeful each week without all the stress of patient care, overwhelming administrative work, or a long commute. It gave me a regular schedule and assured for at least 15 hours a week, I had a place to be and friendly people to interact with.

And then a bomb dropped. Regulators came in and tore my company apart. It is a long story and this is not the place to tell it. I have been offered to continue in a new position with double the commute, half the pay, and have been disconnected from most of the people I have grown to care about. And between you and me, I am not sure that this company will even be around in a few months.

Of course,you say, I could find a similar job

with another hospice. While this might be possible, it is quite unlikely. The size of this company allowed me to manage such a big group and not have to see patients. I can look for other positions, but what I had was perfect.

And let me stress that this is not about money. I really don’t need more (although it certainly is nice). It’s about having a sense of everyday purpose and meaning.

I am sure I will find a solution. I just don’t know what it will be yet.

Identity and Creativity

I am going to drop a bomb now. Highly unorthodox since I just learned myself. But Paul has decided to leave The What’s Up Next Podcast as of January.

This totally caught me by surprise. I guess looking back, I should have realized that he was not enjoying it as much as I was, or as much as he used to. It is so hard to tell.

But I can’t help but feel a real sense of loss. Yes, I am going to keep doing the podcast myself. Yes, I will continue to do panel discussions and hope that the quality and feel of the podcast will continue to soar.

Yet, my disappointment is real. I naively felt that being financially free would release me of having such worries. That all of the sudden, nothing could ever bring me down because I was bulletproof.

It turns out that I am not bulletproof. That I am no less likely to suffer the ups and downs of being human. Of having hopes and dreams both realized and squashed.

And this thing that Paul and I created. This thing that I love and was meant to be a big part of my upcoming time. My heart and soul. Now sits at a crossroads with as many possible dead ends as superhighways.

Final Thoughts

The cliche holds true. Money can’t buy love. It can’t buy identity, meaning, or purpose. This has been a hard last few weeks. Many of the constants in my life have turned out to be much more feeble than I had expected.

So I will attempt to build anew. Recalculate. Reconstruct. Pivot.

And start again,