Lack of Empathy

I have been struggling with a concept lately in regards to the financial independence community. I have found nothing but the most kind and compassionate members among its ranks. The love that pours out on the page is clear and undeniable. We generally tend to be an all inclusive group ready to celebrate the diverse paths which have lead us to financial freedom. Yet, I wonder if we also suffer from a lack of empathy.

We are quick to celebrate the most successful of our ranks, and just as quick to decry those of us that fail. We seem to be most compassionate about those who overcome, and and less understanding of those who come undone.

Hardship is best accepted at it’s conclusion.

Frugality Fails

Regardless of what anyone says online, frugality is hard. It takes a certain amount of will, smarts, and luck to save consistently. As far as numbers go, there have been many more failures than successes. This is not a moralistic argument, it is the plain hard truth.

Yet, we lack empathy when we openly discuss our slips and missteps. How many people get shamed for buying an costly car or going out for an expensive dinner? Even paying full price for college tuition is frowned upon.

It seems that decisions that don’t perfectly align with the financial independence dogma are anathema.

Money Earnin Mount Vernon

It’s not just the frivolous spenders. The high income earners also occasionally are the target of wrath. The financial independence playbook calls for frugality, side hustles, and doing it yourself. There are, however, a sizable group (Doctor’s included) who got here by earning a bucket load of money.

I feel like, sometimes, this contingent is tolerated though not celebrated. It is fine to earn big bucks as long as you don’t talk about it. Unless you did it with a snappy side hustle, web site, or real estate venture.

But if you did it by excelling at your good old W2, best to keep quiet. There is a lack of empathy for the W2 crew.

Financial Independence/Retire Never

Although we talk about the changing view of retirement, there is still this belief that to be credible, you need to make next to nothing in retirement. The lack of empathy is clear. If you run a successful online business, blog, or side hustle once you have left traditional work, then you are somehow discounted.

Don’t listen to him! He is not really retired!

Somehow the path to financial independence or the story becomes less effective when these facts come to life. Still making money makes one less legit.

Why Does It Matter?

So why doe sit matter? Why does this lack of empathy concern me? There are a few reasons. Mostly, communities form around shared belief systems and actions. We like to hang out with each other because we speak the same language, and have a common reference point. Maybe I haven’t lived your debt story, but I can intellectually understand the path.

But true communities have something more. The have empathy. It is empathy that truly binds communities. The ability to walk in someone else’s shoes for a time period, and see the world through their eyes.

When we fail to do this something is lost. When we spurn those that are different from us, those whose messages don’t immediately resonate with us, we fail the litmus test of community.

And instead, we become just a disconnected group of unrelated people.