Flipping The What Ifs

My life is changing. As I am hurdling towards my half retirement, I have to admit that there is a certain amount of fear and trepidation. While I know that this is the right choice for me, I can’t help but become a victim of the what ifs. What if the stock market crashes? What if there is a downturn in the real estate market? What if I have been deluding myself with faulty math? As my stomach churns and my head begins to spin, I struggle to reach for steady footing. The only thing that seems to settle me is to realize that I am focusing on loss aversion. There is another side to the coin. A different set of important equations. I have started the process of flipping the what ifs. Turning an introspective eye inside instead of focusing on things I can’t control.

The ebb and flow of the economy is fully out of reach. The ups and downs of real estate often can’t be predicted. I can’t do anything to shore up these markets. I can set up systems to mitigate my risk, but in the end we all are helpless sail boats maneuvering the ruthless torrents of fate.

But it turns out there are a few what ifs that I can control.

What If I Live A Life Without Purpose?

I use to believe that being a physician was my purpose. I clung to my profession as a reason to get up every morning and go to bed every night. And this worked. For awhile. The years were marked by striving and struggle to reach this audacious goal. Graduating medical school, finishing residency, were some of the proudest moments of my life.

Yet practicing medicine turned out to be a false prophet. It certainly brought me joy at times, but also pain and discontent. It turns out to be the thing that I am best at doing, but maybe not what brings me the most meaning. Writing does. Creating does. Communicating does.

Flipping the what ifs meant letting go of all the fear and worry about all those things I couldn’t control and asking one essential question.

What if I live a life without purpose?

What If I Never Develop My Identity?

My father was an oncologist. I wanted to be just like him when I was little. When he died suddenly during my elementary school years, I unknowingly assumed his identity. I quickly adapted to the idea that I would walk in his footsteps. I would carry the torch that he no longer had the strength to carry.

This gave me a strong sense of direction and understanding of who I was. I was the son of a deceased doctor who would eventually become a doctor. I would rid the world of disease, bring comfort to the ill, and carry on the family business.

Except that was my father’s identity. Not mine. It felt good for a number of decades. But it never really fit.

Flipping the what ifs meant letting go of a childhood dream and starting to embrace my own unique gifts. I am not my father.

And that is ok.

What If I Never Make True Connections?

I have said many times that growing up I never felt part of a group. It didn’t happen in high school. It certainly didn’t happen in college. Becoming a doctor offered the last chance to fit in. To join the club. But I was never part of the club.

Physicianhood, like those oversized lab coats we so often wear, never quite fit. Looking back over the years, I have not a single colleague I could call upon and go for a cup of coffee. No lifelong friends. It’s not that I lack the ability to be social or make friendships. It’s that I never had enough in common with those I worked with.

It was only when I found hospice, that I truly found my people. Smart, kind, giving people.

It was only when I joined the personal finance community that I found my people. Warm, supportive, open minded people.

Flipping the what ifs.

What If I never made true connections because I was working from a fear mindset?

Final Thoughts

When making big decisions in our lives, we tend to focus on the aversion of loss concerning all those things that we have no power to change.

I am flipping the what ifs. There are so many deep important things that we do have control over.

Will you leave them all to fate?

You can also catch me this week on The Money Nerds Podcast: