Financial and Emotional Crossroads

I have been writing a lot about the future of the financial independence movement lately. I have described what I think is the financial independence 2.0 era and what embracing this phenomena really looks like. These deeper thoughts about the meaning behind the words have been spurred by my own personal transition. I am standing at a financial and emotional crossroads. I see two clear paths ahead, and although I am pretty sure which direction to take, I have to admit that I am scared. This is not rational. I can’t mathematically work my way through this. No bit of calculation and logic can ease the discomfort.

At some point I have to take the leap.

I have to jump into the unknown

The Easy Path

The easy path to take at this financial and emotional crossroads is to continue on the straight and narrow. My work life has gotten less stressful over the years as I have downsized to early retirement. I make double to triple what I spend every year. This is a comfortable place to be. I can continue on this path and be sure of my financial security.

But there are down sides. I am on call 24/7. I have trouble doing things that most people never think twice about. Even a simple trip to the movie theater takes planning. I have to sit at the end of a row by an exit. I rarely see a full movie without needing to step out to take a phone call. Even my recent trip to CampFI was interrupted often. I would be smack in the middle of a great conversation when my phone would start up.

My body now reacts to the phone ringing without even realizing. I sometimes jump or feel a rush of bad feelings before I am cognizant that the phone is going off.

This is not normal. It is unhealthy.

The Better Path

My current business is split between nursing home work, that requires a huge amount of time and generates lots of phone calls, and hospice work. The hospice work is a directorship in which I help lead a group of nurses, chaplains, social workers, and CNAs take care of large groups of patients. This position requires almost no direct patient care itself, but is more a supervisory role.

My financial and emotional crossroads thus becomes clear. I can drop the nursing home work and my quality of life will go up drastically. I will have more free time, and I can ditch my phone on weekends and after 5pm on most days.

But my income will go down dramatically. I will make barely enough to cover my yearly costs (which is no big deal since I am already financially independent anyway). Furthermore, I will no longer be seeing patients directly.

While logically this paths makes great sense, it is hard to let go of patient care.

In some ways it’s like the end of a childhood dream.

Final Thoughts

There is no doubt that I will eventually drop the nursing home work. The realization that life is too short to be suffering phone PTSD is overwhelming.

With this decision, however, comes both great relief as well as sadness. My financial and emotional crossroads is coming to a head. I see the fork in the road clearly.

My goal for the next few months is to build not only the courage but the tools that I will need to choose the right path.

One road is coming to an end.

And another is just about to begin.