The Money Mind Meld

Financial independence didn’t come easy to me. Although the actual fiscal transition was quite by accident, the emotional awakening was anything but smooth. Upon making the earth shattering discovery that I was financially free, a new and unexpected dread creeped into the periphery of my psyche. As the days passed, I stumbled into a full-blown depression. At first, the reasons were quite unclear. With time, I realize that we all fall into the trap of the money mind meld.

What the heck is the money mind meld?

Thoughts, concerns, and fears about money play a large role in most of our lives. Often we think of the destructive influence such worries play in our moment to moment existence. There is, however, also a protective function.

When you concentrate on the big audacious goal of financial independence, it allows you to push other personal issues to the side. You become so fixated on the top of the mountain that all else becomes peripheral.

Financial Independence and Depression

I have started to peruse Reddit from time to time. The other day, I was particularly taken by a post by a gentleman who seemingly has nothing to complain about. His debt is paid off. He and his wife have stable, long term W2 employment. All investments are on autopilot, and the road to FI is in clear sight.

And he is miserable. He has lost interest in not only money but also hobbies, friendships, and is having a hard time deciding whether to get up each morning.

In his much ballyhooed Reddit post, he describes his struggle to understand the sadness in light of how well his life is going.

I was appalled at how little understanding he gleaned from his fellow commenters. There was definitely a feeling that he should just quit complaining and enjoy life.

In my opinion, his reaction is completely rational when viewed in light of the money mind meld.

When financial concerns are removed from the looking-glass, the mirror of financial independence not only reflects back but also magnifies all the inadequacies and fears that are left over.

Purpose

It is awfully easy to convince yourself that financial independence is the driving purpose in life. Between frugal life hacks, budgeting, spread sheeting, blog reading, and tracking investments, one can spend years engrossed. There are so many smaller goals and landmarks that keep us engaged along the way.

Side projects and side hustles abound too. We become obsessed with this idea of optimizing our lives as well as our income streams.

Reaching the magic number is gratifying. But it also is somewhat vertiginous.

What now? What larger purpose do I fulfill?

While rest, relaxation, and travel are great for a while. Eventually, one has to dig into the grit of existence. Now that the money mind meld doesn’t consume us, what does becoming our best self look like?

Identity

We derive a sense of identity from our goals and aspirations. For some, this is innately tied to the W2 hustle. My profession as a physician is deeply ingrained into my being.

For those not so enamored by the 9 to 5, often striving toward financial independence becomes a part of that identity. Often new connections and friendships, whether in real life or online, are formed on the basis of this striving.

Financial independence can shatter both of these identities.

Even if a profession is not abandoned, some of the purpose behind showing up for work every day disappears when it is no longer necessary.

That wonderful feeling of striving, of reaching toward a lofty goal, holds less meaning when the finances are on autopilot and freedom is just a matter of time and compounding.

Connection

Most of us have become supreme stealth wealth practitioners. But there is a dark side of stealth wealth. Loneliness. After reaching the top of the mountain and retiring, it is not uncommon to find that our real life friends are few. That we have held back a large, important aspect of our life and that our connections are not as strong as we hoped.

What happens when you are finally done talking about side hustles, frugality, and investments and look around to see that there is no one to discuss the other joys of life with.

In Conclusion

In many ways, the money mind meld takes our eye off the ball. It creates an existence with a narrow focus that while creating financially responsible adults, often neglects our deeper purpose and needs.

Becoming Financially independent breaks through the fog of the money mind meld.

It’s no wonder it causes many to feel lost and disjointed.

The daunting work of building a life now lays ahead.